Last Sunday morning, we heard the terrible news that footballer and manager of the Welsh Football Team, Gary Speed, was dead. Why was this such a shock to so many people; after all we will all die sometime? The shock here was that Gary Speed was only 42 years old, was liked by everyone — no one has had a bad word to say about him — his career has been a complete success, as far as we know he was 100% healthy and the future looked rosy. Yet, in the early hours of that Sunday morning, he hanged himself. Earlier on Saturday afternoon he had appeared on Football Focus on TV and seemed full of life. Afterwards he chatted with his mate Alan Shearer about his family and it was agreed that Gary Speed and his wife would come up to the north-east next week to stay with the Shearers. The two men would have a round of golf. Yet 12 hours later he was dead. Why? At this time no one knows and unless there was a suicide note somewhere or a confidante appears, we never will know.
As a professional player, Gary Speed played for five clubs, including a few years with Bolton Wanderers back in Big Sam Allardyce's days, was successful in every case, had a long career and was rarely injured. At the time of his death, he was the manager of the Welsh national side that qualified for the European Cup and again everything seemed to be going well. We know of no personal problems or money problems, so what went wrong? I don't know but looking at all the pictures of Gary Speed that have been printed in newspapers in the last week, there is something about the expression on his face that is not quite right.
Everybody has a great deal of their personality written on their face — arrogance, cruelty, illness, bad temper, madness, delusion, etc. etc; it can all be there. In the case of Gary Speed there is a dark brooding expression that shows through his features all the time. There was some dark force that he never revealed that was always troubling him. It is there in all the pictures taken over the last ten years or more. Is this my imagination being wise after the event? I don't think so. I have never looked at Gary Speed's face at all until the last week but now it seems that in every picture there is a darkness. In spite of all his success, did he, when he was alone, fear failure? Did he worry about letting people down? Did the job of managing the Welsh Football Team and taking them to the European Cup become the final straw that overwhelmed him?
It is all questions and speculation. But the fact is that a well-loved, decent and successful individual was so overcome by hidden pressures that suddenly — as far as we know — he decided that the only way out was death. His case is not unique and always we ask, why? But no answers come. The Professional Footballers Association has this week put out a booklet of notes to try to help those suffering from hidden stresses. It is an attempt to do something but i doubt if it will make much difference.
It is a sad story. For Gary it is too late now but our thoughts must be with his family in these distressing times.
RIP Gary
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