Patrick Collins in today's Mail on Sunday tells us that he is confident that next year we will all agree what a wonderful thing it will be to have the Olympic Games in London and we will all rejoice. No we will not. I may be in a minority — although I know that former editor of The Times, Simon Jenkins is with me — but I still think that these games are a waste of money. So far the powers that be have accepted that they will cost £9,500,000.000, although there are suggestions that there are various extras — like transport links, etc — which may push the cost to £12,000,000,000. Astonishing, sport at almost £1 billion PER DAY. But its the legacy that will count; all the extra sports and regeneration of the east end. You can get a lot of serious regeneration for a lot less than £10 billion. David Cameron says its the most important thing happening next year. No, it's not! The most important thing that should be happening next year is that the bloody government gets its act together and makes real progress in re-building our country, sorting out the banks, moving us away from Europe, making the NHS more efficient, ending our involvement in Afghanistan and Libya, sorting out our ridiculous defence mess, putting aeroplanes on aircraft carriers and so on.
Now we are putting on shows for the count-down — just 363 days to go — and Sebastian Coe is becoming more annoying than ever. But this week's monstrous absurdity is the saga of the mascots. These ridiculous things — I refuse to give them a connection with humanity — designed by a completely inebriated, mad cartoonist, one of the last employees of a now defunct company dedicated to marketing the absurd and bent on one last act of revenge, designed these mascots, to look like Mr Blobby with a George Foreman griller for a head. What are they supposed to represent? Perhaps some one-eyed psychodelic Cyclops intended to make us lose all contact with reality. I suppose that when we think of the bill, we have already done that! Now the mascots are available to tour the country — are there just two of them or have LOCOG got several pairs. They can visit your school on payment of a simple fee of £850 [for the two]. These things have names, Wenlock and Mandeville and were, we are told, created to "connect young people with sport."" ?????? If any school or charity is mad enough to oblige by paying this exorbitant fee, they can be assured that these creatures will appear and the actors that fill the suits will "behave in character" — but they are not allowed to speak to the children. Perhaps they think that any child suddenly being addressed by a mouthless, one-eyed thing may have hysterics. The fee includes for assistance in helping the pair to "manoeuvre" in their silly suits as well as the cost of transport and public liability insurance. It is rather odd that a pair of mascots intended to make young [very young] people connect with sport are, apparently, incapable of movement without assistance.
Oh, by-the-way, schools or charities in Scotland and Ireland will have to pay extra. For visiting such remote locations the cost rises to £2,450. A wag — who clearly does not understand these things — has suggested that they just hire out the costumes to the schools and let some local amateurs put on the costumes and parade around the schools. Not acceptable, the LOCOG say because "Mandeville and Wenlock have whole characters, so it is important that we use professional actors so they follow through with these characters at appearances." How can a plastic and fibre blob thing with a griller for a head, one eye and no mouth have a"character"? And which professional actor is going to put playing Mandeville or Wenlock on his [or her, I suppose, who knows] CV.
These Olympics are already beyond the joke. What will happen next?
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